Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
