The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
