Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
