im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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