my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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