If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
