the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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