I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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