Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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