CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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