Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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