that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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