As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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