You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
