smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
