drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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