I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
me + whiskey = a bad person
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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