My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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