My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
