i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
