awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I intend to get homeless drunk
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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