why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
