oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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