Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
