I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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