i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
