her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My life is pants optional.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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