Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
