if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
