just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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