soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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