I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
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after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.