I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
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Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My penis needs a shock collar
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever