I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night