i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sex on roller skates
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.