He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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