i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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