Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
