you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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