I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
