Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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