just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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