I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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