I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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