i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
