Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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