How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
