I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
