i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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