please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
