Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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