I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
