is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
