I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
