Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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