Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
