I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
