Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
