So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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