AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
